The Power of Permission in Feedback: A Mentor's Guide

As mentors, one of our most valuable contributions is offering feedback and constructive observation. Yet, how we deliver that feedback can make all the difference between it being received as supportive guidance or as uninvited criticism. A simple, often overlooked step can transform the dynamic: asking permission.

Why Asking Permission Matters

By asking a mentee, “Would you be open to some feedback?” we do more than soften our approach; we create a moment of choice. This signals respect, acknowledges the mentee’s autonomy, and establishes a climate of psychological safety. Permission transforms feedback from something “done to” the mentee into something “done with” them.

This simple practice increases receptivity. Rather than bracing themselves, mentees are more likely to lean in, listen, and reflect. It also models a culture of consent and collaboration, which they may later adopt in their own leadership or mentoring practice.

Practical Tips for Mentors

1. Check readiness before offering feedback. A mentee who is processing something emotional or complex may not be ready in that moment. Asking, “Is this a good time to share an observation?” allows them to set the pace.

2. Be specific and balanced. Permission doesn’t guarantee receptivity if the feedback is vague or overly critical. Share concrete observations and balance challenge with encouragement.

3. Use curiosity as a bridge. Instead of jumping straight into feedback, invite self-reflection first: “What do you notice about how you approached that situation?” Then, with permission, share your perspective.

4. Frame feedback as an offering, not a directive. Phrases such as, “I noticed something that might be useful..would you like me to share it?” keep the power dynamic balanced.

   
   

The Role of Supervision

As mentors, our ability to ask permission and hold feedback conversations with care is greatly enhanced through Supervision. Supervision provides a reflective space where we can explore our own patterns, biases, and triggers. For example, you might notice a tendency to rush into “fixing” or a discomfort with silence. By becoming more self-aware in supervision, you strengthen your capacity to remain present, respectful, and intentional during mentoring sessions.

Supervision also shines a light on the subtleties of power in the mentor–mentee relationship. By reflecting on how and when you ask permission, you gain clarity about the balance of influence you hold and how it affects the mentee’s growth.

The Advantage of Self-Awareness

Bringing feedback into the mentoring relationship with permission not only supports the mentee’s learning, it also deepens your own professional practice. You become more attuned to the impact of your words, more mindful of timing, and more confident in navigating sensitive conversations.

In short, asking permission is not just a courtesy. It is a practice of respect, humility, and self-awareness, qualities that lie at the heart of effective mentoring.

Giving Feedback